These first two are proof (as if we needed any) that I'm a bit of a hard-nosed mother.
Heather: I don't want to have (eat) that!
Me: Is this a restaurant?
Me: Okay then. This is what we're having.
Me: Heather, put your dishes in the dishwasher please.
Heather: Mom, I don't really like to do all the work all the time!
Me: Heather, this is not a restaurant, it's a family. In a family we put away our own dishes.
Heather (putting away her dishes): Hmph.
The funny thing about this is, one of Heather's favorite games is when I feed her a snack as if she (and whomever happens to be over hanging out with us) IS in a restaurant I call her "Madame Cantwell", she calls me "waitress" I exaggeratedly seek to meet her every need, etc. We play the game at least once or twice a week. Poor kid. No wonder she gets confused.
Me: Eric, you've got to watch this clip. It's the best moment ever in biggest loser history.
(I put on the clip shown here, laughing hysterically at the appropriate moments. After Eric has endured it once, he goes back to his own project, and I go ahead and watch it not once but two more times, laughing hysterically and joyfully each time.)
Eric (indulgently): You are such a gomer!
(Just to be clear--we all know that I am not a gomer. Puleeze.)
Marilee has been a little stir-crazy/wild with the cold weather and how it has essentially removed her ability to enjoy any time outside. This has frequently resulted in random running, jumping, fake biting, hiding, etc. Our favorite (to watch) is when she goes into the bathroom and jumps in and out of the bathtub seven or eight times in succession within about 10 seconds.
Heather: Mom, when Marilee acts like this, we call her crazy cat. (Shouting at Marilee) CRAZY CAT!!
Me: Heather, who is your best friend?
Heather: You mean on earth?
Me: Um, yeah. Do you have a best friend that's not on earth?
Heather: Of course! Jesus and Heavenly Father!
And there you have it.
image courtesy of katymcc