Friday, October 16, 2009

Animal Activists Will Want to Skip This One

I am not the only person in my family with an over-active imagination.

qirky 10-09
Here in Utah, tomorrow is the opening day of the annual deer hunt.

I come from a family of avid, enthusiastic deer hunters.

And so, to celebrate this most auspicious time of year, I have a special treat for you all.

Here, in the words of my second-to-the-youngest (or third-to-the-oldest) brother, is the tale of . . .

The Curse of Mortanemous
(the Real Bambi Story)

-By Mark W. Corry(with witty and helpful parenthetical explanations by Charlotte C. Cantwell)

Many many years ago, there lived a man named Elwood (my paternal grandfather's name was Elwood). Elwood was an avid hunter and very successful. At times he would shoot two or three dear during a hunt (this must have been in the days when doing this was legal, because Elwood would definitely not break the law for something as silly as a deer hunt). However, no hunt was as successful or as detrimental to his lineage as the hunt for Mortanemous.

Over the previous thousands of years, the reign of the ruler of the Kolob deer herd has changed hands (hooves) numerous times, but no ruler was greater than the all mighty Mortanemous. He was strong, huge, handsome, and very intelligent. He led the herd as no previous ruler had. The herd truly flourished under his reign, however all that changed one brisk fall morning.

Elwood, determined to find sufficient meat for his entire starving family, began trudging up the giant hill which had protected the herd for so many years. Suddenly it began raining. The rain came down harder and harder, and puddles were forming everywhere. Still Elwood persisted.

The mountain gradually turned into one giant mud slide and all the hunters turned back to camp. All that is, except the dedicated, persistent Elwood. He persevered up the mountain.

Mortanemous, observing the hunt from the top of the mountain watched with satisfaction as all the hunters retreated. He felt it was safe to notify his entire herd that it was safe to come out, and did so. However, while in the process of alerting his herd he spotted Elwood. Covered in mud, climbing up the mountain on his stomach, Elwood in turn noticed Mortanemous.

Instinctively Elwood rolled to his back, aimed the gun right at Mortanemous and with the thought of his starving family in mind he took a desperation shot. Too exhausted to keep his eyes open he assumed his shot had missed, but the loud thump was evidence enough that his shot had been true.

With his dying breath, Mortanemous called to his eldest son, Mortanemous Jr.

“Morty”, he said,

Never let this man or his family out of your sight. Never underestimate them, never again allow them to injure the leader of this heard.”

True to the counsel of his father, Morty and his son Morty and his son Morty have dedicated their lives to protecting the herd and preventing the Corrys from ever getting the big one..

The evidence is everywhere. Although members of the Corry family have harvested large deer from the Kolob herd, they have never harvested another mountable Morty since that historic and fateful day so many years ago.

Will this year be the year that the curse is broken?

Only time will tell.

* * *

UPDATE: Saturday, October 17, 2009, 10:12 p.m. : Time DID tell!!

Alas, Mountable Morty did not meet his demise at the hands (guns) of the Corry hunters this year.

On a very bright note however, two of Morty's friends, a large 4-point and a smaller 3-point were not so fortunate.

Good work, men!



Anonymous said...

Your picture is copyrighted. Might want to take it off.

Charlotte said...


I try very hard to make sure that the images I use are not copyrighted pictures. In this case, you can click on the link that says "image" at the bottom of the post and it will take you to the site where I got the photo. It's called Wikimedia Commons, and it's a database of freely usable media files.

If you scroll down the page, you'll find this notice:

"This image or recording is the work of a U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service employee, taken or made during the course of an employee's official duties. As a work of the U.S. federal government, the image is in the public domain. For more information, see the Fish and Wildlife Service copyright policy. "

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