So, I received a bunch of pamphlets when Heather and I left the hospital, full of counsel, wisdom, and advice that would surely cause this to be an absolutely idyllic time in all of our lives. Like any good first-time mother, I've been diligently reading them and trying to follow them as best I can.
One topic that the pamphlets explain is something called "tummy time". I think it could probably better be called "tortuous tummy time", but I'll get to that later. For those of you who know as much about babies as I did a month ago, "tummy time" is basically where you put your baby on her tummy, while watching her so nothing bad happens to her. It helps her muscles develop, and helps her develop skills she'll later need to be able to roll over, crawl, and eventually pull to a stand and walk. It's also a big deterrent to the whole "helmet head" thing that some babies get from always lying on their backs with their heads in exactly the same position.
Anyway, here is some of the counsel from the hospital materials:
"Begin giving your baby some tummy time on her first day home from the hospital. Do it regularly. Put your baby on her tummy 2 to 3 times each day for a few minutes. As your baby grows, increase the amount of time she plays on her tummy. Give her some toys to reach for, or lie down on your back and put her on your chest. Your baby will learn to enjoy playing with you in this position. "
Please pay special attention to that last sentence, and tell me: Do you think this is a baby that is learning to "enjoy playing with [me] in this position"?
Yeah, I don't think so either.
Luckily though, not all of our forays into the world of Tummy Time are quite so traumatic.
Now, that's more like it!