Tomorrow I go back to work.
It's not as bad as it sounds. Actually, it's pretty ideal.
I'll work from home on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Eric's classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays don't start until the afternoon, so in the mornings we'll share in Heather-care while working on homework (Eric) and opera work (me). On Mondays and Wednesday afternoons, Heather will spend quality time with her Cantwell Grandparents, and on Fridays and Wednesday mornings, she'll explore the wonderful world of the Utah Festival Opera with me. To be honest, I'm actually not certain that the situation could be better, either for me or for Heather.
And yet, I'm anxious about it.
I've been dreading this day since the night that Heather and I came home from the hospital. That's when I realized that one week of my six-week maternity leave was nearly over, and that it had flown by without me even realizing it, and that the next five weeks would fly by as well.
They sure did.
I've wanted to be a stay-at-home mom since I was a little little girl. When I went to college, I determined to study accounting for three reasons.
1. I was good at it.
2. I enjoyed it.
3. I knew it was a skill with some inherent flexibility, and that it could fit in well with my other life goals. (i.e. I planned on being a stay-at-home mother, but I knew that if life circumstances forced me into the workplace, accounting was something I could do on a more flexible schedule than some of the other careers I was contemplating).
As it turned out, I graduated with my accounting degree(s) a full eleven years before my Eric burst on the scene of my life. I started work at Utah Festival Opera, fully intending to stay a couple of years and then move on to something else.
That was twelve and a half years ago.
It's been a great ride, working at the opera. I've absolutely loved it. The people there are kind, intelligent, and good-hearted. The work I do is challenging and interesting. In addition, working there has allowed me to do and see all kinds of things that I wouldn't have been able to do and see if I had been working anywhere else.
It's been a great ride. Now the ride will change, but I think it will still be a great ride. I'll still be at the opera, but I have a new priority to juggle in the mix now. A new adorable, angelic priority. When I think of my situation, I feel more blessed than I can say. To be able to have the kind of flexibility that I have now is (in my opinion) an absolute miracle.
To say that I am grateful doesn't even come close.
After years and years and years, I'm going to be using my degree in the way that I intended to use it, and for the reasons that I earned it in the first place. Sure, I'm anxious about it, but really, I'm a lucky lucky girl, with a lucky lucky daughter.
And everything will work out just fine.