Monday, July 02, 2007

Highs and Lows

So, it was kind of an odd weekend. Friday and Saturday were great, and Sunday was a bit of a trial. Since I want to end with the good stuff, I'll write about Sunday first.

You know how I have that over-active imagination? The one that makes me think I'm getting hypothermia when I'm really just cold? The one that made me think I had West Nile Virus when really I'd just eaten too many chocolate-dipped strawberries? The one that makes me think that there could be robbers downstairs in our laundry room, when really it's just a little bit of rain on the back side of the house?

Well, yesterday, Eric and I didn't end up getting into the chapel until about a minute or two after our Sacrament Meeting had actually started. Our ward is such that there are far too few pews in the chapel to seat all those who come to church. So, anyone who is even a minute late is consigned to sit in the gym, and even as far as half-way back in the gym. I had already been to choir practice that day, and had felt a little lonely there (this is a new ward for us, remember). I think those two things probably combined and resulted in what happened next. As the meeting went on, I just started feeling worse and worse about being there. I started getting more and more sad, and feeling more and more isolated. I started feeling more and more like I didn't fit in there, which then led to me feeling more and more hopeless.

I conveniently forgot about the little fact that Eric and I have been out of town or visiting other wards for at least 1/2 of the Sundays since we've been married. I also conveniently forgot the fact that since we were in that "state of newlywedded bliss" for many many weeks, we really haven't been cognizant of the fact that there were more than two people in the world, which has definitely decreased the amount of "reaching out" that I have personally done.

What I did NOT forget was that the last time I had been in Relief Society, I had sat alone. There were also a few other memories (that I won't write here, because this is the world-wide-web after all) that I let run through my mind, memories of perceived slights, and unkindnesses, or just thoughtlessness that had come my way since we had joined this particular ward.

By the time Sacrament Meeting was over, I was in a grouchy mood. By the time Sunday School was over, I was on the verge of tears. I didn't even bother going to Relief Society (shocking, I know). Instead I went to a grassy spot across the street and sat under a tree alternating between feeling sorry for myself and trying to get a hold of myself.

The rest of the day was marginally better than that particular hour under the tree, but only marginally. I was still in a sad mood when I went to bed last night, and I wasn't even exactly chipper when I woke up this morning. (Poor Eric. He was GREAT through it all. He tried to help me be a little more rational about it all, and when that didn't work, he just hugged me and told me that he loved me. Again and again and again. Sometimes I wonder if he's taking "relating to females" classes on the sly or something)

But, I'm feeling better now. As I've been going throughout this day, a whole different set of memories have been running through my mind. Memories of kindnesses I have been shown by new neighbors. Memories of phone calls that I've received by people I hadn't even met yet. Memories of conversations that I have enjoyed--conversations that were started by someone else coming up to me, in spite of the fact that they didn't know me. In short, memories of times and ways in which other people (in this terrible ward that is so mean and heartless and unkind) have actually reached out to me.

And I'm thinking that perhaps I just might have possibly over-reacted yesterday-just the teeniest, tiniest little bit.

Good thing I don't do THAT very often!


This post is already long enough, so I'll quickly cover the good stuff, and then that will be it for today.

If you'll remember from a post from the past, this past weekend was the sleepover for two of my nieces. We had a fabulous time! We played dress-up (with Big Emma and her siblings), and watched movies and cartoons, and had pillow-fights and tickle fights (which is what that top picture is all about), and made German Pancakes, and went to the water park, and had a dance recital, and sang song after song after song. And we laughed. Boy did we ever laugh! It was just absolutely lovely.

And that's the news from these parts. The next week or so looks to be fun. Eric and I have tickets to the new Transformer movie on Wednesday night, and the next Wednesday night the opera season opens with Il Trovatore. Transforming-fighting-robots and Italian-singing-gypsies-who-accidentally-throw-their-own-babies-into-roaring-fires. What's not to like about all of that?


LaFetters said...

Enjoyable reading, Charlotte. I stumbled into your blog as I began my early afternoon procrastination routine.
Good stuff- Laura

Jeri said...

I'm so sorry you had a rough Sunday.

I think I know where I'll be sending my kids the next time Tim and I want a weekend off:)

amy greenway said...

Oh Charlotte, you're a woman after my own heart. I tend to over-process experiences to the point that they become ever so slightly distorted. Let's not hang out in a real crisis, okay?

I hope that you are able to make friends and feel at-home in your new ward soon.


Jodi said...

I went through an almost identical experience. I am convinced that it is part of the transition to married life. Everything you mentioned was absolutely true. I have been married for 6 months now and I am just starting to get adjusted. I think it is a bit more difficult after being single for a long time. You have such an identity in the singles wards, or for me I went to a family ward for the past 7 years. Then all the sudden you are a couple. It just takes time to figure out how that translates into ward life. I think you are very normal-or I choose to think that because if you are not then I am in big trouble.

Harmony said...

Oh dear. You just reinforced my concerns about moving back to a Utah ward. I'm sure you'll adjust and I will too, but in the meantime it's just a good thing that the Gospel is true.

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